haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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