oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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