once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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