Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
