help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
