i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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