I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
