If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
