i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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