I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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