He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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