Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
