I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
