We need to rekindle our bromance
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
