Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
