yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
