I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
