I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
