Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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