my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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