Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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