peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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