I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
