I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
