Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize