Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize