you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
