everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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