Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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