I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
