we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
