Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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