You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
