she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
