if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
