hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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