he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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