Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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