fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
