Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
