I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
