woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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