I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
