but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
third nipple confirmed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
