Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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