$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
