Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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