I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
