What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
