Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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