Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize