Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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