My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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