he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
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Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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