everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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