i don't like sucking hair
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
