I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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