Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
