Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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