never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
