You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
