so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
