Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
