Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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