Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
