i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
