You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
