you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
