Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
