You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
