I didn't shave. On purpose
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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