I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
