I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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