Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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