New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
