yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
3 2 1 whiskey
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
