Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
