im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
