she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
