Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
