Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
